An Intricate Dance

We are in Guangzho, checking things off our To Do List to finalize our adoption of Charlie.  The process has been intense.  We traveled here 2 days ago from Tianjin, and the journey was long and awful.  Charlie had no clue what was going on, and we lack the language to tell him. Everything he does is so new to him, and we are little more than total strangers in his world.  He knows we are Mama, Baba, and Jie Jie, (mom, dad, and big sister), but what does that really mean?   How does one manage the ins and outs of being in a family when the concept of such is so tangled and unfamiliar?  And to have no way to communicate with each other, it's a stunning challenge at times.  We are all full of mixed emotions and on edge.

Yesterday was the best day we've had so far.  He was seeming more attached to us and having a blast with his sister.  They are already good buds, and often he wants to be near her constantly.  They communicate really well with each other, too, all things considered.  At times they chatter and fuss and laugh and play, and sound like they've been siblings forever.  And they tell on each other, too!  I got many hugs from Dan Dan last night.  Such medicine for this mama's soul.  :)   This morning was back to Upside Down World again, and Charlie woke up sad, angry, and restless.  We've had one meltdown after the next, and they have not been pretty.

Building a family is not easy work, and sometimes it feels a bit hopeless.  None of this is unexpected or anything we have not experienced before.  We know there is a plan, and over time, our family will come together, and our rhythms will be in sync.  I read in a parenting book once that parent/child attachment is a delicate dance, and I agree.  It's often one step forward, 2 (or 12!) steps back.  However, I can already think of a thousand good things to say about our wild little tank boy, and I know my life will be bigger and brighter because he is in it.  I am just hoping for a better day soon.  :)

A Birthday in China

Today I have an 8 year old.  She is smart, and she is strong!  She is amazing beyond words.  She loves to sing, dance, play dress-up, read, create and direct plays with her friends, write stories, and watch "Dancing With the Stars" and "Cake Boss".  She is beautiful, inside and out.  My Annie Rose, wow.  How can a mom be so lucky?  :)

Yesterday we celebrated Annie's birthday early.  We went to a bakery called DIY where she made her own cake!  This place is extra special to our family.  When our son turned 3 last March we ordered a birthday cake.  His nanny took him to this shop and he made his cake there, too.  So cool to finally be in China wtih Charlie and visit the same place now, as our family of 4.  Annie had a blast making her cake, and it was dazzling and delicious!  For his part, Dan Dan established total pandimonium in the cake shop, as Annie iced and decorated away.  I am pretty sure the bakery staff hates us.  Our driver, Mr. Yang, and our guide, Ivan, they are angels from above.  Every time we leave the hotel they are on Dan Dan's heels, to our HUGE relief.  Shad and Granna and I were able to watch Annie make her cake, and Ivan and Mr. Yang chased Dan Dan, cajoled him, and tried to keep him from running down the streets of Tianjin.  Shad described it perfectly when he said the three of them together looked like an episode of Benny Hill, as Dan Dan flopped on the floor, grabbed at the pasteries, and ran in fast motion as two grown men tried to keep up.  Our son is hilarious, and also a stunning sight.  I am going to beg Mr. Yang and Ivan to go to the US with us.  Maybe we can adopt them, too.

After the cake shop, we went back to the hotel and had a little party in our room for Annie.  Ivan had a chat in Mandarin with Dan Dan, who was trying to get into Annie's birthday cake on the ride home.  Ivan said he told our son that if he is nice, Annie will share a piece with him.  He said Charlie said he will never be bad to his sister.  He has moments of sweetness, mixed in with the crazy, too.  :)  We ate her cake, complete with candles and singing, and the sight of my children together on such a special day brought tears to my eyes.  Dan Dan's face lit up when he saw the candles, and he sang evey word to "Happy Birthday".  Annie cut the cake and served it to everyone in the room.  Ivan told her she should serve her parents first out of respect, and she did.  All children should take lessons from Ivan.  :)

For her 8th birthday, Annie has a new brother!  Whether she wants him or not.  :)  This week has not been easy, and today Annie's "big sister" hopes and dreams have fallen flat.  She is not so sure she likes having a brother after all, which is totally normal, and totally disheartening for her, too.  We have had many moments this week that have been happy and touching and hysterical.  And we've also had challenges.  Dan Dan is a large personality, and he is coping with so much.  He is bold and in your face and tries to control the world, at a time when so much of his world must feel out of control.   His behavior is often not easy to take.  I keep reminding myself things will get better, and my compassion for him is immense.  I know this transition is hardest for him most of all, and like the rest of us, he is doing his best. 

As I write this post, my kids are playing chase and jumping on the bed.  Happy sounds that make me smile.  This, after Dan Dan just dumped an orange soda on the carpet, just for grins.  Ah, good times, friends.  Good times.  :)

Moose on the Loose; Dan Dan Takes on China

Today our motley crew was BUSY.  We started the day with a trip to Old Town Tianjin, where there are traditional Chinese shops that sell clothes, art, bits and baubles.  The architecture is ancient and awesome, I could have stayed there all day.  Dan Dan on the other hand, no so much.  He was full of impatience and wanted to run and reek havoc, typical 3.5 year old stuff.  Adding extra layers of strain for the little dude, his life is Upside Down Crazy World this week, and he can't even speak to his new family.  He becomes fried in a hurry.  We did manage to visit one very cool calligraphy shop and had our son's name painted on a scroll.  It was beautiful and we walked up 2 flights of stone steps to watch the artist at work.  The whole time Dan Dan had to be restrained, and shouted "are we done here??!"  The shop owner, manager, and artist all found him hysterical.  Dan Dan was not amused.  By some miracle he did not take down the whole store.

We decided Dan Dan and Mama needed to go back to the hotel.  Annie wanted to come, too.  Our little boy insisted on carrying all of 4 of our large shopping bags himself.  He is strong, and he is stubborn.  I'm giving in a lot more than my nature usually calls for.  Because he is struggling to adjust to so much newness and huge transition, I feel he needs a lot of extra acceptance and wiggle room these days.  When things become more normal, I will teach him about "structure" and "boundaries", concepts he is not such a fan of at the moment.  Annie is handling this SO WELL, and I know it's not easy for her!  So, back to the van.  Kids in China do not ride in carseats, and hardly anyone wears a seatbelt.  Annie cannot get over this.  On the way to the hotel, Dan Dan decided to open the van door while we were en route.  Our driver nearly passed out.  I think he will be very glad when we leave.  We managed to survive, I'm still not sure how.

This afternoon we did something super fun and special, which I will write about in the next blog!  Later, we hung out at the hotel.  My little boy, who is still not making eye contact with anyone, and wants to either a.) run and jump and roll on the floor and tackle big sister, or b.) watch cartoon dvds given to him by his nanny 24/7, melted my heart by sitting next to me for the first time and falling asleep on my shoulder.  Progress, for sure.  It's official, I think he's swell.  :)

After a nap, Dan Dan was raring to go.  Another bit of progress, tonight Dan Dan took a bath!  He has been very against bathing of any kind so far, but tonight, through very broken Mandarin, we talked to him about it again.   At the mere mention of the word "shower", he ran to the bathroom and ripped off his clothes and pointed to the tub!  Although he was used to only showers at the orphanage, we filled up the bathtub with bubbles and he had a blast.  He was so excited after, he raced around the room naked, laughing and squealing non-stop, and threw a plate of fried rice into the air and all over the carpet.  People, please pray for us.

To clarify...

Just realized my blog post sounded wonky last night.  I will blame it on lack of sleep and motherhood. 

I wanted to clarify.  When I said there was trash-talking about me, "the mama", I meant it was by our son!  Not sweet Fu Cho, who was desperately trying to convince him the big white parents are in fact, NOT evil.  :)

Thank you.  Carry on.  :)

Annie and Charlie, Let the Good Times Roll...

If I Step Outside My Life...

I find my new son hilarious.  When I think that it is ME who will be raising this boy, OH MY!  Yesterday, last night, and this morning were very difficult.  I expected as much, still it's hard when the expectations become your reality.  Our new son was not liking us very much, and he is still not a huge fan.  This afternoon I felt more hopeful, though, and hope is always a good thing.

I wrote a friend of mine tonight and told her about some of the funny stuff we've overheard from Dan Dan the last couple of days.  They are pretty good (would be even better if someone else's kid said them, and not mine!), so I thought I'd share.

- When we were on the way back to the hotel after taking him from the orphanage yesterday, we'd known him about 30 minutes. We were trying to get to know him, full of the moment/joy/oohs and aahs/etc, and he shouted at us in Mandarin.   We asked the guide what he said and he said "Enough talking! Be silent!"

- This morning we had to go w/one of the workers from the orphanage to government meetings to file documents for the adoption. The guy is Fu Cho, super sweet, speaks only Mandarin. I heard him talking in the car to Dan Dan and the name "mama" kept coming up.   Couldn't tell what he was saying, but from the look on his face he seemed totally honked off. I asked the guide/translator if he was talking trash about me and he very sheepishly said yes, then added he doesn't really meant it.   Um, yeah.  I think he does.

- Later Dan Dan complained to Fu Cho that I would not give him Coke for breakfast.  He was very angry about this.

-In China, they bundle children up in layers and layers of clothing, so they won't catch cold.  No matter the weather.  Our son had on 3 layers top and bottom, as well as a coat when he came to us yesterday, in 70 degree weather!  If you don't dress your children in the same, you will be scolded by total strangers!  So, we were in the car again today, Dan Dan screamed at me, called me Mama for the first time.  I thought it was a good thing.  I finally got the translator to tell me what he said.   It was "mama, your little girl is cold, put more clothes on her!!"   He was referring to Annie, and SCREAMING.   Annie said she was not cold, by the way!  :)

- When the nannies asked Dan Dan what if he doesn't like the food on the airplane, he said "I will get my OWN airplane and drive it to America and eat what I want."

- Also in the car (we were in the car a LOT today) he said in to me in Mandarin "You need to keep your sunglasses on always.  They look better on your face."

I'm scared. (That is a quote from me!)

He's Real!!

After 13 months of waiting, we have learned our Dan Dan is a real live boy!  And he's all ours.  :) 

We met our son this morning (Sunday night back home)!  We arrived at his orphanage around 8:45 and were taken to an office where we waited and met many of the folks who have cared for Dan Dan.  He is a very beloved little guy, and we heard over and over how smart he is, how the staff feels he is like their own son, how happy they are he was adopted today.  It is very clear he has been in a wonderful, stable place in the Tianjin CWI.  We are so grateful. 

Dan Dan is ADORABLE! He loves to sing and dance. He is sturdy and tank-like and seriously cute.  And he is strong as an ox.  He is also extremely bright, I have the feeling I am in TROUBLE.  He came to us with 2 bags full of Coke and candy bars, and he love french fries.  Oh my.  He talks ALL. THE. TIME.  He also loves anything electronic, and found features on our Ipad and camera we never knew existed.  He also loves cords and plugging things in and out of the wall.  Yay!  ;)   He is very intent on going to America.   I think he thought we were going there today, maybe he even thinks the hotel is the US.  Won't he be surprised when we get home and he realizes we have no maid service??

The day has gone well, all things considered.  Dan Dan is still trying to figure out what the heck is going on.  He is sometimes rowdy and loud and full of swagger.  At other times he's withdrawn and ignores us.  Pretty typical stuff, learning to navigate an instant family and having your world turned upside down is nothing to sneeze at.   Annie is one amazing big sister.   She has been patient and giving, also understanding at times when I am sure things seemed less than fair. 

We are trying to get Dan Dan to sleep now, and Annie just asked to leave and sleep in her grandmother's room.  Smart girl, I think we have a very long night ahead of us.  He has already escaped the hotel room twice. 

We are so lucky tonight, I am counting my blessings twice and then some.  :)